The Most Horrific Horror Story of Them All

Dear World,

I am truly sorry that there are so many stupid people in America. It truly boggles the mind, but please know that they were bred in an education system that rewards ignorance and lowbrowed thinking. They aren’t even smart enough to recognize their error.

You may consider the American voters to be bottom dwellers who don’t know the smell of their own stink but let me assure you–you are only partially correct. You must understand, most of those folks are actually just disenfranchised millionaires down on their multi-generational luck.

Trump will be their salvation, you see.

He will be the rare billionaire who will out of the goodness of his pure unblemished heart give each of those poor folks a million dollars and drag them out of the muck that is their life. He’ll also reconstruct the old values that make America great–controlling your wife and raping her when necessary, buying and selling children for sex and profit, putting the American business woman in her place–the home, of course, and returning America to the playground where brawn and bullies rule, not reason and logic, or morals, or even common sense.

Note I did not say religion, because here in America we keep religion out of our politics. Strictly, as a point of pride. Because we know the dangers.

From the country that leads in entertainment, music, movies, and other frivolity: welcome to Season 1: Episode 1 of These Dis-United States, a new reality show coming straight from Washington DC, due to air in January 2017.

What a shit show it shall be.

Sincerely,

The American Literate Public